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JustFunnyQuotes
Opened 23/01/2008
Articles:
Welcome to Just Funny Quotes
Welcome to possibly the worst listing of funny quotes, jokes and phrases ever to be found on google. Its my pleasure to provide a listing of funny quotes by famous comedians, actors and others out there who inpire us to understand the funny side of life.
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Funny quotes page 1!
| At a cocktail party, one woman says to another "aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man". | - Anonymous |
| You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you this look that says, "My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!" | - Dave Barry |
| "Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus." | - Bob Rubin |
| We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture. | - Robbie Williams |
| Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy. | - Gary Busey |
| It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. | - Woddy Allen |
| If you think that today went all too quickly, you never agree standing in the row at the post office. | - Australian Proverb |
| Don't think there are no crocodiles because the water is calm. | - Malayan Proverb |
| Oh, they have Internet on computers now | - Dumbass, Homer Simpson |
| "The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall." |
- Mitch Hedberg |
| My father was a simple man. My mother was a simple woman. You see the result standing in front of you, a simpleton. | -Chic Murray |
| Hey, somebody farted. Let's get out of here. | - Pickup Line |
| I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. | - Walt Disney |
| I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow. | -Billy Connerly |
| Valentine's Day's coming? Aw crap! I forgot to get a girlfriend again! | - Futurama, Fry |
| Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. | - Rod Stewart |
| I've often thought that the process of aging could be slowed down if it had to go through Congress. | -George Bushy |
| If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it? | -Steven Wright |
| It's hard to soar like an eagle when you're surrounded by turkeys. | -Anonymous |
| It's hard to be humble when you're as great as I am. | -My Mate |
| I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down. No problem. | -Anonymous |
| Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them! | -Optemist |
| Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue. | -Anonymous |
| Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. | -? |
| You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on | -Dean Martin |
| Operator! Give me the number for 911 | -Homer Simpson |
| The latest new dance craze is called, The Politician. It's two steps forward, one step backward, and then a sidestep. | -Gov't |
| Hippies, hippies... they want to save the world but all they do is smoke pot and play frisbee! | -Eric Cartman |
| When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep ,not screaming, like the passengers in his car | -Anonymous |
| Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’? | - Jay Leno |
 I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. |
- Chris Rock |
| If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. | - Flip Wilson |
| The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. | -Anonymous |
| Home is heaven and orgies are vile, But I like an orgy, once in a while. | -Ogden Nash |
| Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so. | - Anonymous |
| Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been." | - Anonymous |
| Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. | - My Doctor |
| My mother never breast fed me.She told me that she only liked me as a friend. | - Rodney Dangerfield |
| I played a blank tape on full volume. The mime who lives next door complained. | - steven wright |
| I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?" | - Bloody Jay Leno |