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Funny Quotes Page 3
Third mix of funny quotes.
Home | Funny Quotes 2 | Funny Quotes 3 | Funny Quotes 4
| The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education. | -Albert Einstein |
| Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next. | - Franklin P. Jones |
| Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. | - Erica Jong |
| When I told my friends I was going to be a comedian, they laughed at me. | - Carrot Top |
| He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news. | - Bertolt Brecht |
| It's not the people who are in prison that worry me. It's the people who aren't. | - Arthur Gore |
| Always laugh when you can. It is cheapest medicine. | - Anonymous |
| Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in. | - Richard Jenni |
| Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps. | - Tiger Woods |
| If you cannot read this, please ask the flight attendant for assistance. | - United Airlines Flight Safety Brochure |
| Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. | - Tommy Cooper |
| The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less. | - Brendan Francis |
| I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet. | - Henry youngman |
| Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives. | - Sue Murphy |
| I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered.. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall." | - Eleanor Roosevelt |
| My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him .... If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion. He said .... Alright.... you're ugly too! | - Rodney Dangerfield |
| The family seems to have two predominant functions: to provide warmth and love in time of need and to drive each other insane. | - Donald G. Smith |
| bought my wife a new car. She called and said, 'There's water in the carburettor'. I said, 'Where's the car?' She said, 'In the lake'. | - Henry Youngman |